Grayson Joslin is a third-year journalism major and writes “Soapbox” for The Daily News. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the newspaper.
I am feeling burnt out.
I think back to the start of this school year and realize something has been amiss. I feel like I have been cruising and running on fumes. I haven’t been able to mentally recharge.
The work I am completing has not reached my personal standard. My chipper demeanor has been reduced to an absent-minded one. I am overwhelmed by everything.
But this is not neurotypical burnout I am feeling, this is autistic burnout.
This is the result of chronic stress that manifests itself as an intense feeling of exhaustion because of the pressures of living life in a neurotypical world. We, as a people, are all sensitive to stress.
But this is a different feeling from neurotypical burnout, which comes from overwhelming stress due to work, school or even social life.
A study published by the British National Autistic Society in Jan. 2023 found autistic people have both short and long periods of this experience. The length of an episode can vary from weeks to months to even years.
Upon reflection of my situation, this isn’t something that has happened to me just recently.
I’ve dealt with this all my life.
This is something that has only recently been brought into the social limelight, with studies in the past few years looking to define this experience. I only found a name for what I was experiencing — autistic burnout — last year through autistic support accounts on Instagram.
After this discovery, I have realized what has been contributing to my situation, and it has been a combination of various factors that have led me to feel frayed and lethargic.
One important contributor to my situation is my stacked calendar for this semester. My semester is 17 credit hours. I am on track to graduate in May 2024, one year ahead of schedule. Add to that both personal and extracurricular responsibilities, and it equals an exhausting schedule.
I basically run around campus all day, going from class to class then straight to work with little time to take a break for myself.
My schedule needs to have alone time factored in as well. I call it “decompressing.” When I am overstimulated, this is a great time for me to take a breather and get some rest.
In a world where the idea of a “grind mindset” has become ever more popular, autistic people can fall by the wayside and wither away in this demanding work culture.
With a month of the school year already gone, I am still trying to find the perfect school-life balance. Trying to keep up with my schoolwork while still prioritizing myself can be tricky.
Going and sitting in class is no problem for me. However, when I try to sit down and do my homework, sometimes the sheer scale of what I need to do prevents me from moving forward. It’s daunting.
These tasks should only take a few minutes, but the emotional weight that I put behind them makes them seem enormous.
This goes beyond academics. The truth is, I am living in a world that is not built for autistic people with overloaded schedules, too many demands and a lack of taking care of basic needs.
This makes autistic burnout that much harder. A systematic review published in Clinical Psychology Review in Nov. 2021 assessed those who "mask" have worse mental health outcomes. Masking is where our autistic behaviors are being suppressed — either consciously or subconsciously — so we can fit in with the neurotypical world around us.
Sometimes, I don’t fidget around or stim like I usually do when I am around people. Other times, I often stay in loud and overwhelming places longer than I want to. This can happen for a variety of reasons — mostly because I am a people pleaser, I want to show people that I am “normal” or I can handle what I consider standard situations.
This masking is something I’ve done since I was a child, but I have only started noticing it in the past few years. Growing up, people would make fun of me for what I did, which were actually my autistic traits. Seeing how my peers reacted to it, I adjusted how I presented myself accordingly to “blend in” with my peers and not be ostracized.
Masking takes up an immense load of energy from my and other autistic peoples’ bodies.
Adding to this is also not having resources and accommodations that would be helpful to me. Sometimes, I will forget my noise-canceling headphones or my stim toys. If I am headed to a crowded place, it will overwhelm me and add to my stress. Sensitivity to sound, light and temperature can be heightened.
When experiencing this, autistic people can be more irritable and sensitive to the world around them.
Another important characteristic of autistic burnout is the loss of skills. A study published in Autism Adulthood in June 2020 found autistic people had a wide array of skills that faded away due to burnout.
During my last experience, I was getting more irritable, and my feelings were harder to control. My sense of this is one of complete exhaustion where my mental battery is low, and it becomes difficult to even perform my basic human functions.
Communication can also be difficult during these experiences. Talking, which is something that can already be difficult because of my speech impediment, can be hindered when my stress levels are high. Even engaging in conversations is sometimes difficult. I sometimes have to force myself to say something. Oftentimes I won’t say anything unless necessary.
Even writing this has been difficult. Trying to put what I have been feeling into the right words and onto this page has been taxing to me.
I do hope to have these skills come back to 100 percent in the future, but the first step in that this is what I have been experiencing.
I have been burnt out. In realizing that, I can give myself some grace.
Taking the opportunity to set myself up for success has already eased my burnt out feeling, allowing me to begin my recovery.
Over the past few weeks, I have been embarrassed and hesitant to tell people I have been going through a burnout experience. I’ve been scared that people will think I’m being weak or making up excuses. But I soon realized that by explaining what has been happening and what has caused this, people can better understand my experience.
The more awareness we bring to this, the more we can make sure those on the autism spectrum feel both supported and accommodated.
Contact Grayson Joslin with comments at Grayson.joslin@bsu.edu or on X @GraysonMJoslin.
