Carli Scalf is a sophomore English and journalism major and writes 'Carli's Corner' for the Daily News. Her views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. Write to Carli at crscalf@bsu.edu.
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It comes on at different times for everyone. Maybe it was instantaneous; your mom pulled away and you instantly burst into tears. Or it took a few days, after the events dwindled and you realized you might not make lifelong friends instantly. Maybe it was a few weeks in, after the excitement of going to college turned into the monotony of routine.
No matter when it hits you, feelings of homesickness during your first year of college are common, normal and part of what makes you human.
Freshman year, mine was severe and quick. I had mixed feelings about entering college from the start. I was ready to move on from high school, but not from my life with friends and family at home. I form strong attachments to people, and while this often makes me a strong, caring friend, it also makes me extremely vulnerable when change strikes.
I came into Ball State without any kind of security blanket. I was in a new state and had no friends or familiar faces around campus with me. Paired with being a natural introvert, I was at a loss when college started.
I cried almost every day during the first few weeks of school, and I’m not ashamed of it. It was a hard month; I had a right to cry. The thing to understand if you’re a college newbie is that experiencing homesickness is twofold: one, you are not alone in your feelings; and two, no matter how hard you feel it, it will pass.
As humans, we wrestle with change from the day we’re born. Kids cry the first time their parents leave them with a babysitter because it disrupts the order and safety of the world they’ve lived in. In the same way, going off to college on your own can be jarring if you’ve become used to the safety and routine of your life at home. The relationships and places we’ve depended upon for so long are missing, and it hurts. You’re growing, and growing is necessary, but it’s also really hard.
Homesickness, however, can be comforting in a way. It shows you that you had something worth missing at home; that isn’t true for everyone. Knowing that you miss the love and support you had at home makes you appreciate the fact that it was there in the first place.
Even so, it can sometimes feel like you’ll never acclimate to life at a college. Here are a few things to remember when homesickness has you down:
- 1. Set Small Goals. It’s OK to still go home! As long as you aren’t overdoing it, setting dates for trips home or to visit friends gives you something to look forward to and can make getting through a month at school a lot easier. Even setting up phone calls or Skype sessions with loved ones every few days can make long days pass much faster.
- 2. Get out of your room as much as possible. Now that you have plans set up to reconnect with loved ones at home, don’t waste away the time in between! Try to do at least one thing every day besides class that gets you out of your room. Go to a performance or sports game, join a club or organization that interests you — find SOMETHING outside of schoolwork to keep you occupied. In my experience, the more involved you become on campus, the more at home you start to feel. If you feel like you’re making a difference and giving back to Ball State, it makes it easier to put down roots and be proud of where you go to school.
- 3. Find your tribe (even if the going is slow). Don’t force close friendships in the first few weeks, but be brave and open up to your peers. Take advantage of any opportunity to get out and meet people. I didn’t find close friends I clicked with until near Halloween of my freshman year, but once I did, my homesickness subsided substantially. Embrace the fact that it takes courage to start over and take small steps toward finding those people who become your family away from home.
Change is natural, but it takes bravery to step forward in life. You’re not the same person you were when you were 5, 10 or 15, but it took a lot of hard work to get from there to here (awkward middle school stage, anyone?). Know that you’ll always be you, and you’ll always have home, but taking time to grow on your own is crucial to becoming a fully formed adult. From someone who is still coping with change, I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
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