Evie Lichtenwalter is a Ball State student taking an academic break due to her cancer diagnosis. She writes ‘Prognosis Unknown’ for the Daily News. Her views do not necessarily reflect those of the newspaper. Write to Evie at emlichtenwal@bsu.edu.
Having cancer has been a lesson in human interaction, and you know what? Humans are bizarre creatures.
When approached with uncomfortable situations, everyone reacts differently.
Since April, I’ve lost approximately 80 pounds. I didn’t diet and exercise and strive toward a “goal” weight. I wasn’t motivated to “better” myself or become healthier.
I got cancer.
And for some reason, people’s first reaction after hearing I’m sick is something along the lines of “Well, you look so great” or “Wow, you’re so tiny now.”
Yeah, thanks. This cancer diet is really doing the trick. It’s amazing what malignant tumors can do for your waistline.
I know people mean well — and that’s great — but it would be nice if we could not talk about my weight loss as if it’s a positive. My body no longer feels like my own. So much about it has changed in the last three months that I feel like I am simply occupying a foreign shell. My body doesn’t belong to me anymore; I belong to it. I’d much rather have that 80 pounds back and a clean bill of health, thank you very much.
Also, people, stop acting so weird.
Cancer is still a scary word to a lot of people, and many associate the diagnosis with death. Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I’m going to die. Sure, death is a solid possibility, but for now, it’s not really in my line of sight. No one has said I’m terminal yet, so don’t start planning my funeral.
I’ve had people react in ways that are blatantly inappropriate for our relationship — a blur of vague acquaintances offering a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to or high school classmates and former teachers offering friendship and support and plenty of prayers.
It’s nice that people want to help, but most of the time, they’re doing it for themselves so they can feel like a better person and thank their lucky stars that they’re not the ones with cancer.
Honestly, it’s hard to know how to react or what to say, and I get that. Clichéd phrases like “You’re so strong and brave,” “You’re going to beat this thing” and “I’ll be praying for you” are nice, and I am appreciative.
But constantly being treated like a sick person is kind of gross and demeaning. The amount of fake smiling I’ve done since July makes me cringe.
I am beyond grateful for the amount of supportive people I have in my life. I really am. My close friends and family have been champs during this situation, and I couldn’t ask for better people to surround me.
I’m not trying to be ungrateful or negative. I’m just being honest.
Fake sincerity isn’t going to do anyone any good.
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