This Sunday, a sickness will begin. Common symptoms include joy, sadness, excessive loudness, time loss, nausea and losing a great deal of money. But long after the green puke stains around your toilet have dried from St. Patrick’s Day, another type of sickness known as March Madness will begin to sweep over the nation.
Sunday marks the day that the brackets for the 2013 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament are announced and the quest for the perfect bracket begins. When it comes to these brackets, I have never seen a perfect bracket and there is a damn good chance none of us ever will. You probably have a better chance of winning the Powerball twice in a row than ever picking a perfect bracket, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try 15 times every year.
Filling out my bracket is one of the greatest, yet most infuriating things that happens to me every year. ESPN NCAA analysts have said over the years that basically no one knows anything when it comes to March Madness. Hell, my girlfriend beat me last year and she didn’t watch one minute of a game all year. A glue-sniffing 2-year-old has as good a chance as anyone to pick a perfect bracket and that’s what makes it great. Whether or not you think you know what you’re doing, here are some fun and different ways you can fill out your bracket this year.
1. The Mascot Battle
This one is pretty easy to grasp. You take both teams’ mascots and choose who you think would win in a fight. This is usually my favorite bracket since the Michigan State Spartans never win. In the awkward case of two teams with the same mascot playing one another (Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Butler Bulldogs), go with the mascot that looks meaner.
2. The Coin Flip
By far, my worst bracket each and every year. However, that was the only bracket that predicted the two 15 seed upsets in the tournament last year (for reference, that has only happened 6 times in 112 games). This bracket by far has the greatest potential for some fake bragging rights.
3. The Dice Roll
If the 50-50 chance of a coin toss is too simple for you, pull out a die and roll it. I personally like to roll three 20-sided dice just because it’s the only chance I ever get to use them.
4. Alphabetical
In this bracket, you’ll need to switch it up as you go by quadrant or Alabama might win every year. Use different combinations like A-Z, Z-A, first letter of the mascot name, last letter of the team name, etc.
5. The Bullseye Bracket
Considering how terrible I am at darts, this bracket is incredibly fair. Throw two darts and designate a team for each one. The dart that gets the higher score on the dartboard moves on.
6. The Flippy Cup Bracket
Disclaimer: I have never done this due to never having a big enough group, but wouldn’t this be awesome? This involves 63-67 games of flippy cup, depending on how committed you are. But when it comes to the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, anything is possible. Choose one team for each side of the table and the winner advances. Remember to drink safely, blah blah blah.
7. The Upset Bracket (AKA, the “Eh, F--k It” Bracket)
In this bracket, some, but very little brain power is needed. All caution, all numbers, all stats, everything is abandoned and you go with your gut. In all seriousness, these brackets are usually my best brackets. No upset is impossible and logic is thrown completely out the window. This year, I’m definitely picking a 16 seed to beat a 1 seed (has never happened before) and no one can tell me I’m crazy.
8. The Serious, “Balls To The Wall” Bracket
These are usually reserved for the casual or super-fan. I won’t lie when I say I usually spend 2-3 hours of research alone on this bracket and it almost never does as well as my “Eh, F--k It” Bracket. Shooting percentages, free throw percentages, strength of schedule, close game record, center height, rebounds per game and even freaking travel time to the arena are things I’ve factored into filling out this type of bracket before. Only do this bracket if you are truly OK with ripping out fistfuls of hair.
So if you’ve never done a bracket before, I invite you to try, just this once. Join me, won’t you? Happy March Madness, everyone.
MARGE
BY THE NUMBERS
There has never been a documented perfect bracket.
In 2012, there were 6.45 million brackets submitted on ESPN.com. 0.4 percent (25,304) of brackets correctly picked the Final Four.
In 2011, there were 5.9 million brackets submitted on ESPN.com. Two people, or .00003 percent of brackets had the Final Four Correct.
In 2012, no one had a perfect bracket heading into the Sweet 16 on ESPN out of the 6.45 million entries.
It is estimated that over $3 billion will be gambled in office pools during March Madness.
On 18 separate games/occasions this season, an unranked team has beaten a top 5 team.
