What are you supposed to do when you have writer's block?
I have no doubt every collegian in America comes across writer's block at some point or another. Whether it's choosing a topic for a paper, trying to write a newspaper story or even choosing a few well-phrased insults in a "no, I DON'T want you back" letter to an ex-girlfriend, eventually you hit a wall where you can't think of anything to say.
Choosing paper topics has to be one of the more difficult things to do. Most college kids would probably rather take a stab at cracking the Da Vinci Code than try to come up with a groundbreaking, bright idea for a lengthy paper.
People often ask me, "Andy, what should I do when I can't figure out what to write?"
And what do I tell them? Just like when you're sick, the best remedies are the homemade ones.
You could play video games. I highly recommend creating yourself and four of your friends on an NBA game, jacking up all your rating and plugging yourselves into the starting five on your favorite team, systematically destroying everyone else in the league in the process.
You could eat. Honestly, this is a possible solution to almost any problem a person could ever encounter in their lives. No wonder America is so darn fat.
You could watch TV. If you're looking for insults for that letter to your ex, turn on a sitcom. You probably won't find any insults good enough to get your point across, but you'll find a ton of poorly-written jokes that might spark your own mind to bigger and better cruel words.
You could surf the Internet. There isn't anything like seeing some completely irrelevant thing that your best friend wrote on his girlfriend's Facebook wall to make you feel like doing anything other than getting back to work, if only to make you forget about it.
You could listen to music. From personal experience, this doesn't work for me. However, everyone works differently, and I'm sure some lucky person can get hit with "Eureka!" moments while listening to their favorite artist. However, if you attempt to listen to country music, a tiny hand might pop out of thin air and slap you across the face. I'm just the messenger.
Turn on a sports game. If you really want to be able to come up with colorful words to describe complete ineptitude, the best way to do it is to listen to most any national sports announcer attempt to formulate a coherent sentence.
I think you've gotten the point. Writer's block is a formidable thing to overcome. In fact, according to my reputable sources, writer's block has caused more mental anguish than tests, creepy Charlie Cardinal, parking services, the Indiana Pacers, and the "Who Shot J.R.?" episode of "Dallas" combined.
Somehow, though, we all seem to fight our way through it and come out on the other side. Some of us are actually good enough at making things up on those papers that we even manage to get good grades on them.
Writer's block is the Goliath to our David. But, with the help of these suggestions, hopefully you too can pick up a metaphorical stone and sling it into the Philistine's head, earning you an amazing victory.
Write to Andy at ndistops@hotmail.com
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