Now boarding all seniors, all rows.
We'd like to extend a special welcome to those with small children or needing additional assistance. Elite members of the five-, six- and prestigious seven-year clubs are also welcome to board at this time.
Using the metaphor of life as one long trip, during the last four years I've realized that college is really just a layover to life's busy flight plans. We're only here for a small amount of time -¡- some more willing than others, though everyone grows irritated and tired at some point.
Beyond the layover, there are countless facets of the air travel process that are symbolic of college life. I've made a few observations through the years, making note of common quips, situations and phrases that apply in both situations.
Welcome aboard. Please turn your attention to the remainder of this column as I highlight some important features of this 18,000-student university and its eerie relation to a popular form of transportation.
The airline's safety demonstration is like orientation. Feelings of anxiety and nervousness are not uncommon, but the more times you go through it the less you want to pay attention to it. (See: transfer students.)
On the subject of transfers, just as airline schedules and fare rules are mismatched, so are universities' policies and curriculums.
Living in first class conditions is pretty much impossible on a budget.
Secure your belongings before helping others.
No, I'd prefer not to turn off and stow my portable electronic device at this time - or any time, for that matter.
"I have to pay how much to get out of here?"
Despite what should be done, you'll pay little attention to any and all posted placards or faculty member instructions.
You now know what placards are.
Waiting until the last second rarely ends up yielding pleasurable results.
A little turbulence is normal.
University regulations prohibit the tampering with, disabling or destroying of school parking tickets.
"Wait, I don't know you. Why do I need to take off my belt? And why are you touching me there?"
Blackboard appears to be the equivalent of the Microsoft DOS-like computers every airline continues to use. Both systems work 96 percent of the time, ceasing to function at the most inconvenient time because of maintenance, undoubtedly when there's something you really need from them.
Scheduling is pretty much a bitch.
"That's an illegal substance, sir."
Countless people want to join the mile-high club. No, I mean it - that's not even a metaphor.
Travel Safety Administration agents and Ball State Parking Services employees tend to share the same reputation, regardless of their intent.
Being locked in the full and upright position will make you stiff.
I don't want to sit that close to that guy, either.
Good meals are rare and expensive.
Taking bags from strangers results in legal trouble.
After a certain point, there are no refunds or withdrawals without penalty.
Heavy baggage is taxing.
Yes, booze really is that expensive. Exact change is appreciated. Please have your ID ready.
Copies of the in-flight publication are free and are typically strewn about the cabin, usually with the crossword completed.
Perhaps the most compelling phrase applicable to both environments is one we hear so often on the climb to 30,000 feet, yet rarely have a chance to say once we're on the ground, surrounded by our chaotic activities.
Sit back, relax and enjoy.
So many trivial matters rile us up throughout life, be it in the middle of O'Hare International or McKinley Avenue. We're always in a hurry to get somewhere and only realize what we'll miss once the trip is near its completion.
Sure, few students want to spend their days sitting idly in an airport terminal or classroom, but both locations are necessary stops on an itinerary that's continuously - and unexpectedly - being revised.
Welcome to 2007, where the local time is for 2,600 students to graduate. If you're connecting to another school, be sure to check the tuition rates inside its admissions guide. For those of you who checked "baggage" at the start of this journey, it will be available for you at the exit, but you probably don't even want to mess with it now. Be careful, as the contents of your overhead compartment might have shifted, and more than likely for the better.
On behalf of this Village-based journalism student, thanks for reading, and I hope you have a safe and pleasant stay in Muncie, or wherever your travels might take you.
Administrators, prepare doors for arrival.
Write to Dave atheydave@bewilderedsociety.com.
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