Lacking funds and needing to save up money for summer, I decided to stay in Muncie and work over Spring Break. How bad could it really be?
To make sure I didn't go clinically insane being in Muncie for 10 days straight with 90 percent of my friends in Florida, I went home to Indianapolis Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday. This didn't help my insanity, FYI. To cope, I decided to let everyone know how "awesome" a Spring Break Muncie is by keeping a journal of the week.
Sunday night: I make it back to Muncie just in time for the Men's NCAA Tournament selection show, but then wonder why I care because Ball State University ended up with a 1-45 record or something. Unless half of the selection committee was coked up the entire season and made their picks based on alphabetical order, Ball State had no chance being in the tournament.
Monday: There's nothing like spending eight hours a day of your Spring Break working - inside - in Muncie. At least I have a window view, but that's like having a nice view of Kosovo. Prisons at Alcatraz Island at least had San Francisco to look from their windows - I have two drug houses and a bunch of run-down businesses.
I'm actually looking forward to the Women's NCAA Tournament selection show to see if Ball State receives an at-large bid. Yes, in 22 years of my existence, I'm paying attention to women's basketball. Someone make me a drink.
The main topic of discussion on the selection show is Louisiana State's women's basketball coach Pokey Chatman's resignation amid allegations of her sexual past with a former player. Oh my God, the jokes here are so easy, they not only write themselves, but they laugh as well.
Ball State just misses out on the Women's NCAA Tournament, instead getting into the WNIT. I can't say I'm too thrilled, because that would be like getting excited over taking home the hot chick's ugly sidekick instead of the hot chick herself.
Tuesday: It's 70 degrees in Muncie! My excitement quickly turns to more depression when, while checking away messages on AIM, I notice some "friends" have put up messages for all of break, such as: "In Ft. Lauderdale for the week. Cell it!" and "Gettin' wasted in Palm Springs!"
You don't honestly need an away message up all week, do you? Why don't you rub my face in the beach sand you bring home too, you new non-friend. That would be like me putting up an away message before I die. Auto response from SexyStudMuffin69: "Work 8-1, class until 6, then crossing over to the other side for an eternity. Cell it, but I may be busy with The Big Man. LOL! Talk 2 u l8r, K THX!"
Wednesday: The one highlight of my Spring Break happened today, as I got to visit The Indianapolis Star and hang out there for a little bit. Of course, to make my Spring Break a little more interesting, I decide to leave during 5 p.m. rush hour traffic. And wouldn't you know it, The Big Man was shining down on me today because He trapped me behind an 80-year-old driving 30 in a 55 mph zone. Then as a follow-up to make sure my blood was still flowing after three days of Spring Break purgatory, I got stuck between an Asian and a women talking on the phone.
Thursday: Tournament time! Things are beginning to look up from here, as I have four days of basketball heaven to look forward to. Unfortunately, today's games were worse than an actual day of classes. Thank you, basketball gods. Not only that, I'm reminded how lame my name is when players such as Rob Diggs, Ken Tutt and Boomer Herndon are announced.
Friday: Today brings one of the "Funniest Non-Intentionally Funny Moments" of the last year. I'm at the library uploading a project to iWeb, when an incredibly old man wanders over to the sofas. This guy looked so old, that if I was gambling and someone set the over/under on his age at 140, I'd take the over.
I'm sitting there, minding my own business, when I see him go to sit down. During the initial squat, he lets out the loudest grunt I've heard in my entire life. It was if he had eaten nothing but Taco Bell and drank nothing but Keystone for a solid week and forgot to use the bathroom.
To top it off, his knees crack so loud, I swear that the Colts offense line was River dancing on bubble wrap somewhere nearby. I know, I'm probably going to hell for that one.
Auto response from SexyStudMuffin69: "Uh oh, looks like I got sent down a few flights! I would say cell it but OMG my phone melted! can u believe that? LOL!"
Saturday, Sunday: Can't talk - basketball and Gus Johnson announcing a good game.
Sunday Night: Everyone is finally back in town, but I'm too exhausted to do anything. Just watch "The Departed" to see what choice words I have for all of you. Everything considered, it wasn't that bad here in Muncie. I mean, at least my apartment didn't burn down or anything.
Write to Ryan at bsurjsmith@gmail.com
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