George W. Bush is my hero.
He's a thrill. When he emerged from that Viking aircraft on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln on May 1, he declared an end to major conflict in Iraq and brought schoolgirl glee to Americans like me.
While violence, death and chaos continue in Iraq, America's love affair with its president is about to get a boost.
This fall, KBToys.com will release an Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush U.S. President and Naval Aviator 12-inch Action Figure.
Now my glee has turned into Beatlemania-like hysteria.
This 1:6 scale limited edition Bush action figure comes bedecked in military gear including a "fully detailed cloth flight suit, helmet with oxygen mask, survival vest, g-pants, parachute harness and much more," to commemorate Bush's "historic Aircraft Carrier landing," according to the item description on KBToys.com.
The action figure is produced in China (still a communist country) by Blue Box Toys, the same company that makes "Hello Kitty," according to a New York Post report featured on FoxNews.com.
The company's Chinese executives are "largely unaware of the political repercussions of Bush's carrier landing," according to Blue Box Toys spokesperson Lauri Aibel, who admitted that she did not vote for Bush.
By purchasing of one of these figures -- for just $39.99 -- Americans can live the grand, yet elusive American dream of buying things. Also, they can commemorate the president's war heroism.
U.S. history is full of heroes. When I think of former presidents who defended freedom, names such as Eisenhower and Grant come to mind.
Bush avoided combat duty during the Vietnam conflict, though one can bet that if forced into combat, he'd be out the door.
With one flight, akin to an act of a student driver in one of those cars with two brake pedals, President Bush took his rightful place beside war heroes such as Ronald Reagan.
"While at the controls of an S-3B Viking aircraft from the 'Blue Sea Wolves' of Sea Control Squadron Three Five (VS-35), designated 'Navy 1,' he overflew [sic] the carrier before handing it over to the pilot for landing," KBToys.com reads.
"The hair on the fully poseable [sic] doll is cropped close, and he wears the steeled look of a man with many missions under his belt," the Post report reads.
"Even his zippers zip." You won't see a Bill Clinton figure like this.
While this action figure can be used for play, right-minded collectors will no doubt leave him in the package and keep him out of sight until his appearance is needed.
Conservatives should watch out -- radical leftists looking for an edge might use the dolls for Voodoo purposes. Protect the package! Protect the package!
Piercing the wild blue yonder with steely eyes, this figure should be popular with disillusioned Americans who are too apathetic to vote, but won't stop shopping.
In addition, purchasers can enjoy the long awaited, albeit imaginary ability to have a say in the president's actions. He's easily manipulated, and if one has enough money to purchase him, he'll do whatever you want.
And at $39.99, even the lower middle-class can afford him.
So, if you call him your president but don't feel that you truly "own" him, here's your chance. Now go forth, proud American, aim high, and buy all you can buy.
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