"Sweetheart, will you help me do the dishes?"
It had been a solid week and a half since either of us had evenglanced in the direction of the sink and the mounting pile ofteetering crockery inside.
"Can't we do it tomorrow?" she asked. "I'm tired."
Prolonging the inevitable will only make our lives worse, Iexplained, and an argument ensued.
When we left for class the next morning, the dishes were stillthere.
Silly arguments like these pop up frequently when you're sharinga 460-square-foot space with another person, especially when youhave only lived together for a couple months. Only here, myroommate isn't an old buddy from high school and wasn't randomlyselected. I share my living quarters with my girlfriend.
Now some of you are probably thinking that what I'm doing iswrong, and you might be right.�Barbara Hale and hercolleagues at Penn State University have found that couples wholive together before they tie the knot are more likely to divorcethan those who don't.
Not only does the research support waiting, so do America'sparents and grandparents.�Even the extreme pressure of afinal exam couldn't come close to the feeling you get right beforeyou tell your mother that
you're moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend.
You sort of ignore all that, and you think, "We're in love;we're happy, and we're convinced that we can make thiswork.�Shouldn't that be good enough?"
Many college couples practically live with each otheranyway.�You and your partner are always eating together,soaking up each other's allotted cell-phone
minutes and, without bringing it up with your parents, spendingthe night at each other's places.
Alternatively, you each have separate rent bills to worry about.Knowing where your partner is at all times is "nice to know"instead of mandatory
information.�Most importantly, if you have a heatedargument that gets out of hand, you can leave the building, go homeand cool off.�Couples who live together can't do that.
Alas, all serious relationships will eventually reach thisdifficult decision. In fact, when some of my fellow students toldme what they would choose, the opinions were split.
One student said, "My wife and I lived together for a yearbefore we got married. It was a really good idea.�There's abig difference between just
dating and being in your [partner's] face 24 hours a day."
Another student disagreed: "I think part of what makes marriagespecial is the commitment you make in spite of not knowing what itwill look like. It's
making a choice with them through thick and thin."
I don't think that people our age should be afraid of the fullcommitment of marriage, but I also think that it's best to takeimportant decisions in steps.
"For every marriage that occurs in this country, there is aboutone divorce," Robert Hughes, Jr. of Ohio State University said.
Even though it might be considered risky behavior, with thosekinds of
odds, I think I'd rather take the risk.
One thing is for sure, though: Whether you're married or not,nothing feels better than doing the dishes with someone that youcare about.
Write to Gregory at gttwiford@bsu.edu
visit http://www.twiff.com
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