Look at me, hooked on learning.
As my eighth year (yes, eight, shut up) at Ball State University approaches, I'm thinking a lot, mainly because "thinking" beats "doing."
That said, I've stumbled across an epiphany.
Eight years is hard to fathom, even for me. What else can a person do for eight years, short of prison, that is less like a job?
I get a lot of grief, mainly from people who have jobs. I think it's jealousy -- something about free time -- but I'm not one to assume.
"Aren't you going to get a job? What are you, a career student?" my parents, friends, professors, peers, landlord, mailman, pets, and walls often ask me.
All valid questions, though the phrase "career student" irks me. I prefer "professional student" -- it's more mature.
Why the derision toward perennial students?
No one ever asks a garbage man if he's a "career garbage man" with the same condescension I get.
No manure salesman ever gets asked if he's a "career manure dealer."
Nobody gives gas station attendants a hard time -- not even the one who says, "I'm just taking time to figure things out."
In fact, I've noticed many people who aren't in school spend years -- literally, years -- "thinking about going back to school."
Thinking and doing: Two different things.
Those are all noble professions -- "student" isn't. There's no financial gain.
But it's not like I'm a drain on the system. It's my debt. It's my homework.
But apparently, to the judgmental, this is a waste of time. I should have a job.
"Well, John, that's what you're supposed to do," I hear.
That's interesting, from a twisted, bleak, capitalist perspective.
The late comedian Bill Hicks had a bit about reading alone in a Waffle Steak restaurant. The waitress came over and asked, "What are you readin' for?"
He'd been asked about what he was reading before, but never what for.
"What for? Well, I guess it's so I don't end up being a [expletive] waffle waitress."
Just for giggles, consider also that Americans spend more money on beauty products than they do on education, so says a May 22 article in The Economist.
Now follow this: If literacy is a waste, and undergraduate education is less important than Oil of Olay, post-graduate education must be a complete waste of time.
Look at me, feeling good, loving American priorities.
So I should stop this "learning" and get myself a job, settle into my career and drift toward heart disease and ulcers, because really, prosperity is
what it's all about, not knowledge, and with this newfound appreciation for money, in 20 years you can ask me why I'm not happy.
But it's too late for me. I've been in school so long that I really can't stop now. If I leave, forget a "real job" -- everywhere I go, people will look at me as though I have a third eye.
THEM: "How many master's degrees did you say you have?"
ME: "Uh ... how many do I need to operate the cash register?"
And so that'll end abruptly, and I'll end up teaching impressionable people and get the question, "What will it take for me to get an 'A' so I can graduate and get a job?"
Trouble is, I'll just recommend grad school and walk out.
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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