A modest proposal: George Bush should seek reelection in 2004.
"Ah," you say. "Stephen is not only the 'Jack of All Trades.' He is also 'Master of the Bleeding Obvious.'"
But no, I am not suggesting that George W. Bush ought to seek reelection. He will surely take the initiative without any prompting from me. Rather, in honor of Father's Day, I'm encouraging George H.W. Bush to return to the campaign trail.
It sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out.
The whole Bush family gathered at their compound in Kennebunkport, Maine, Thursday to celebrate the elder Bush's 79th birthday. There, they elected to try out a new Segway motorized scooter. Absolutely nothing hilarious happened.
Except, of course, that our current president proved to be the only member of the Bush clan unable to remain upright.
As I considered a blurry photo of the leader of the free world careening toward the ground, it occurred to me that "Senior" has proved more capable than "Junior" in other ways as well.
For example, before either was president, both Bushes served in the military, sort of. See, "Senior" distinguished himself by flying combat missions during World War II. His son, on the other hand, seems to have had a hard time showing up for National Guard duty, even as his peers fought in the jungles of Vietnam.
Both Bushes went to Yale -- "Senior" graduated Phi Kappa Beta. "Junior" was a mediocre student at best.
"Senior" won the White House in a landslide; "Junior" lost the popular vote.
In the White House, "Senior" entertained us with scandal. Sure, "Junior's" biggest campaign contributor was Enron, and sure, he has a history of alcoholism and drug abuse. But the media have ignored these issues -- and the public doesn't seem to care.
The Iran-Contra scandal, on the other hand, was plenty dramatic. "Senior" wins again.
Then there's the economy. Both presidents saw huge unemployment while in office, but "Senior" is slightly better for America's pocketbooks. Only a little more than 3 million Americans lost their jobs during his turn at the helm, according to the Department of Labor. In about half that time, "Junior" has already cost 2.2 million people their jobs -- and no end is in sight.
"Senior" showed genuine leadership and set up the Clinton recovery. He broke a campaign promise and alienated conservatives by raising taxes because it was the right thing to do.
"Junior," however, has no real economic policy -- just tax cuts for the rich. He's watched the stock market tumble to earth like a Baby Boomer on a scooter.
On the foreign front, both Bushes fought wars with Iraq. But "Junior" alienated American allies by going it alone. His father, on the other hand, was concerned about setting a bad precedent for other nations.
He was concerned about losing allies and damaging the United Nations. He was concerned about forcing the United States to become an occupying power.
So he exercised restraint. He freed Kuwait, but didn't go to Baghdad.
Granted, "Senior" wasn't a perfect president. Conservatives preferred his predecessor; liberals preferred his successor. Nonetheless, I humbly suggest that anything is better than four more years of his son, and because the Democrats don't seem able to find leadership with a flashlight and a search party, Bush the Elder may be our only hope.
He wouldn't be the first former-president to come out of retirement and try again. In 1912, Teddy Roosevelt returned to politics as a presidential candidate for -- I am not making this up -- the Bull Moose Party.
I humbly suggest that George H.W. Bush follow this great Republican example. I hope to be voting for the Flying Scooter Party next November.
Write to Stephen at stevehj@mac.com
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