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| John King is a graduate student and writes 'King's Eye Land' for the Daily News. His views do not necessarily agree with those of the newspaper. |
Freedom sure is great.
Run free, everyone. Enjoy the gift of our forefathers, who never knew how well we'd use it. Love it or leave it -- it doesn't get any better.
Live free lives of quiet desperation. Resist posing the question, "Is this really the American Dream?" Instead, ask, "What else can I buy?"
Shop at Wal-Mart, not at the Mom and Pop. Buy a gun despite your neighborhood's microscopic crime rate. Buy a 64-ounce Big Gulp because you can.
Purchase an SUV, wait a year, then trade for a newer model that looks the same. Give your children names that all begin with the same letter.
Work anywhere you want, but only if you are qualified, help the hiring quota, and believe in nepotism.
Do whatever you want between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. -- as long as you're on the clock and it's good for the company.
Look forward to weekends, but spend them sleeping and watching television because you're too tired from working all week.
Go grocery shopping any old time -- on Fridays and Saturdays. After buying all those groceries, go out to eat.
Smoke and drink despite warnings, statistics and certifiable proof that alcohol and tobacco companies know they are killing you and don't care.
Be the same as everyone else. Wear khakis and express your unique personality through rambunctious neckties.
Whatever you do, don't be individuals. Nobody likes a freak.
Homogenize your neighborhood. Mow your lawn when your neighbor does. Paint your garage door the same color as all the others. Take pride in your mailbox.
Yes, we're all created equal, although race, sex and religion still determine how people are treated. This is freedom, baby. We've got it so good.
Revel in the freedom you have to elect any candidate you like -- provided that candidate has enough money to campaign and comes from one of two political parties.
Root for any team, although the team with more money usually wins. You can do anything if you put your mind to it, but being the coach's son never hurt.
Believe the news that is supplied by any of six corporations. Don't question anything. You're getting the whole story. Hush.
Support a war even though you're not a soldier. Protest a war even though you don't have all the facts. Get a flag but don't bother learning how to display it -- fly it tattered, in the rain or in the dark.
Express your opinion freely, provided it's the right one. Never theorize that the government and the media are in control. If you do, you have too much time on your hands.
Don't be angry. Smile all the time. Never make eye contact with strangers.
Don't complain, either. The alternatives are always worse, never better:
We could be living under a fascist or totalitarian regime. We could be tortured, kidnapped, silenced -- we could vanish without a trace for merely questioning authority.
We could live in anarchy, believing the goodness of humanity will get us through the day.
Instead, we're free, and freedom sure is swell. So lock your doors, be proud and buy a patriot kit.
Everyone in the world should be this free. Freedom is worth fighting for and requires no enema. Freedom is perfect.
The world doesn't know how good we have it.
Write to John at kingseyeland@bsu.edu
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