Every year, 45,000 Americans are infected with HIV. Because infection is not just a gay issue, we asked people of all sexual orientations, religions and racial/ethnic backgrounds if they would date someone who is HIV-positive. Here are their honest responses:
Mat: I wouldn't date someone who is HIV-positive. When pursuing an intimate relationship, the intimacy can heat up. Many times, one can get caught up in the moment and do something he or she would regret. In this case, there may be no turning back. I definitely have sympathy for those with the virus. I used to be good friends with an individual who was HIV-positive. It had no effect on our friendship, but I continuously worried about him and those with whom he had relationships.
Kevin: Dating someone with a disease which could eventually end their life is a major internal debate. I know people say there is more to an HIV-positive person than the disease, but I don't see myself ever getting past viewing my partner as someone who has tested positive. I would never, however, let the results of an HIV test determine friendships.
Layla: Miracles happen every day. Who's to say this person won't live? This could be my husband someday. I won't let a disease end a relationship.
Oliver: If I had been going out with this person for a while and she had not told me up until that point, I would break it off no matter how much I loved her. If I had advanced knowledge of HIV infection, again, I would be friends but no more intimate than this.
Erik: As someone who has dated an individual who is HIV-positive, I found it isn't hard to handle. But dealing with all the emotional, psychological and family problems, that's what makes it hard to deal with.
Amanda: I would probably not date a guy if he had HIV. The main reason is love and relationships are hard enough, and my fear of knowing he could possibly die would be unending. Now, if I was with a guy and I loved him and I found out he had HIV, I would stay. When I love someone I am in it for the long haul, but I would not go looking for that kind of love. But I guess no one does.
Josh: I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone with HIV. I only feel this way because if the relationship became serious enough it would lead to sex. Even with condoms, having sex with a person with HIV is a risk I'm not willing to take.
Nick: I don't think I could flatly say, "I will not date someone with AIDS." That just seems cruelly unfair. If I knew a person had the disease before I ever really knew them it would be easier to end things before they began. But if a relationship had already been forged, I can't see myself being selfish enough to end it just for that.
Final thought: Some view those with the disease as a hazard and others see having it as a personal challenge which they must overcome as a couple. It is interesting to note an overwhelming majority of men who responded would not date someone who was HIV-positive, but the women interviewed said they would (with special conditions of course). This suggests that women think of the emotional aspect of the relationship first, while men tend to initially worry about sexual problems. Being intimate with someone who has a potentially fatal disease is an important life decision. Choose wisely.
Write to Kevin and Mat at Twobsuguys@yahoo.com
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