Once young adults move out from under the tyranny of their parents' rule, they begin to live alone and want comfort from a companion.
Sure, boyfriends and girlfriends are around, but they are not as soft as a cat or a dog. Plus, they eat your food, finish off your drinks and sometimes they have bad breath. Wait a second - I'm getting it all confused. It's the dog or cat that eats your food and has bad breath.
Easy mistake.
But students or adults in the "real world" want that companionship and decide to try owning an animal - something far more ferocious than a fish or a gerbil.
My brother decided he was ready to own a pet long before he left high school and the house, and so begins my case about the cruelty of animals and why some young adults shouldn't come close to a pet shop.
One day, my brother came home with a little iguana. We weren't sure what sex it was, but we weren't using it for mating and show purposes, so that wasn't so much a problem. My brother smiled and told us the poor iguana's name.
"We'll name her Snot," he said.
And so the animal cruelty began.
Snot oozed around her cage and got bigger as the months progressed. My brother was never around to take care of her, something I notice young adults do when it comes to owning something a little more complicated than an aquatic animal. In the end, I was Snot's keeper.
I held Snot in my hands and let Snot crawl all over my room. One evening I was out and my dad decided to Snot-sit while I was gone. Snot usually roamed the upstairs. When I got home, I found Snot by the front door. This was unusual, especially because she was less than a foot long (and that was including her tail).
We came to the conclusion that she must have fallen from the balcony and landed by the front door. She didn't last much longer after that.
Let's have a moment of silence for Snot.
So, my brother went off to college, graduated, found a job, moved out of the house and decided he needed cats - the type of companionship that leaves hair everywhere and hisses, similar to having a girlfriend. He has three now - cats that is, not girlfriends.
The first was a good name because all the cat did was nasty things. He was named Trouble. Then my brother took in a kitten nobody wanted because of its crooked tail.
We should assume there is no animal cruelty here, right?
I went to visit him at his apartment one night to see the new brown kitten.
"What's his name?" I asked. The animal followed its own tail and sat like a large pouf of brown lint. How precious.
"He was playing in the litter box, so I decided to name him Turd."
And so it began again - such an awful name for such a small creature. I consider my brother the type of 20-something who wants companionship from furry creatures, but at the same time, I wonder if any true harm will come of it.
Thus far, Trouble, Turd and Tink (the third cat) all seem to be happy, kitty litter-loving creatures. I just hope young adults out there who want a dog or cat in their lives have less vulgar names for their pets.
Once my brother gets more animals, I'm afraid of what he'll name those creatures. I've got a feeling a beagle named Phlegm is on its way, along with a poodle named Fart.
Please be kind to the animals, especially when naming them. Remember, they do know how to ruin your furniture.
Write to Evan at emann@mr-potatohead.com
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