Unlike other young women her age, the first thought that crosses Ebony Barrett's mind each day is not what she will wear, what class she will go to or where she will eat dinner that night. When the alarm clock wakes the 20-year-old Ball State student each morning, Barrett's attention is immediately focused on her 5-month-old son, Kai.
When Barrett found out she was pregnant last year as a freshman, she quickly began making plans to marry the baby's father.
"I was planning on getting married, taking a couple years off to take care of the baby and eventually going back to school," she said.
Barrett's plans changed several months later when her fiance got cold feet - leaving her with reservations and a gown for a spring wedding that was never meant to be.
Barrett said that, regardless of the breakup, her thoughts remained focused on returning to college after the birth of her son.
"I thought to myself, 'OK. Things have changed a bit, and now you're going to have to work even harder, but you'll be back in school in January after Kai is born."
When she told herself she would have to work harder, Barrett said she had no idea how much effort her summer jobs would entail.
"I was never really scared about becoming a mother or what I was going to do next," she said. "I was just more stressed out at the thought of having to work at three different places and how I would pay for school," she said.
After returning home to Kokomo for the summer, Barrett began working 40 hours a week at the local Wal-mart. She also put in time at a prepaid legal services agency and was an administrative assistant for her father's company, Barrett Enterprise Inc.
"It was tiring over the summer," Barrett said. "While I was working at Wal-mart, I got anemic and that became my hardest job to keep up with. I was a cashier, and I had to stand eight hours a day.
"At one point, I became so dehydrated while I was at work, I ended up passing out."
SHARING THE NEWS
While most single, young women would dread telling their parents they were going to have a child, Barrett told her mother and father the day she discovered she was pregnant.
"My mom's first words to me were, 'Well, you need to get a doctor and get some prenatal care,'" Barrett said. "That was followed with, 'I need a drink!'"
Barrett said her parents were very understanding.
"My mom had my oldest brother at 19, and she had gone back to school when I was in kindergarten, so she could relate to what I was going through," Barrett said.
When Barrett told several of her friends on the floor of her residence hall, she said her news was well received.
"Some of the women had some big gasps when I told them, but most of them were really excited for me -- not disappointed in me or sad to see me pregnant," she said. "My thought on all of this came to be that, even though this wasn't something I expected to happen, every life is a gift and I was determined to see my child that way, too."
LABOR OF LOVE
Barrett said, despite her parents' urging, she was hesitant to return home for the summer pregnant.
"It felt wrong to me that I had come to school, gotten pregnant and was now expecting to come back," she said.
In the end, her parents' insistence won out, and Barrett returned home where work dominated most of her vacation.
"I slept about five hours a night, but when I wasn't sleeping I was usually working," she said. "I'd go to bed, get up and go to work -- that was my summer."
As it came time for her delivery, Barrett said her parents continued to support her throughout the duration of her pregnancy.
"My parents were always there, telling me I was doing a good job," she said. "I ended up working for my dad right up until the day of my delivery."
On Sept. 22, 2001, Barrett entered the hospital with her parents and a close friend to give birth to her son.
Having already known the sex of her child through a previous ultrasound, Barrett said her primary concern was that nothing would be wrong with Kai.
"I was worried about delivery, and I kept hoping it wouldn't hurt enough for me to have an epidural," Barrett said. "Most of all I just wanted to make sure Kai was OK."
Although she was in labor for four hours, Barrett refused the help of drugs to aid in her delivery.
"I told myself there was no way it was going to hurt badly enough for me to get a needle stuck into my spine," she said. "Some people make it seem as if giving birth is the closest thing to death you can experience, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be."
Barrett said one of the most unpleasant memories of her delivery was her constant appetite.
"I was starving the whole time I was in labor," she said. "I just kept asking, 'When am I going to be able to eat?'"
Because she had only gained 10 pounds during her pregnancy, Barrett said the doctors were worried about how much Kai would weigh.
"I can remember when Kai was finally delivered, my mom said 'Oh my God,' and I thought something was wrong," she said. "My initial reaction was to make sure he had all the pieces."
After she delivered him, Barrett said she was annoyed because the nurses took Kai away to wash and weigh him.
"He ended up weighing 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and I think that surprised everybody," Barrett said.
Barrett then made the decision to breastfeed her child.
"I wanted to do it because I knew it was healthier for the baby, and you create a bond with them you don't get when you bottle-feed," she said. "Then again, I also decided to do it because I was lazy and didn't want to have to get up in the middle of the night to make him a bottle."
NEVER GIVING UP
After three days in the hospital, Barrett said she was more than ready to return home with Kai.
"I was ready to start doing stuff with him, and I was tired of laying around," she said. "But the first night home, he cried because he wasn't used to being there, and so I ended up crying too."
With time Barrett said Kai adjusted to living in her parent's home, and she quickly accepted the responsibilities of parenthood.
"The first thing a lot of people would ask me is, 'What's it like to be a mom?'" Barrett said. "But I was used to taking care of kids because I had baby-sat a lot when I was younger."
For the rest of the fall, Barrett continued to live at home. She resumed working for her father and the prepaid legal services agency, and both employers allowed her to bring Kai along with her into the workplace.
As winter progressed and Ball State began enrollment for the Spring Semester, Barrett said she knew she had to return to school. Despite family and friends in Kokomo urging her to stay home, she said she needed the intellectual stimulation of college back in her life.
"Everyone tried to tell me to wait and go back to school when Kai was older," she said. "I felt like, if I waited, I wouldn't want to go back in the end."
Packing up Kai and her belongings, Barrett returned to Muncie and enrolled in four classes. Although she has since dropped one of her classes because of Kai, the sophomore architecture major is once again able to call herself a Ball State student.
PARENTING 101
As she prepared for her first week of school, Barrett said she was nervous about bringing Kai to class with her.
"I was scared at first, but people have been really good about it," she said. "He's been more of a positive distraction because people want to hold him all the time. When I stopped bringing him to class every day, people would ask me, 'Where's Kai?
"It got to the point where people were saying 'hi' to him more than they were to me."
With the birth of her son, Barrett's schedule changed dramatically from the daily routines of her freshman year.
"With my architecture classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I would usually have to bring Kai with me," she said. "I'd have to work it out so I was able to hold him in one arm while I drew with the other."
Barrett has now enlisted the help of several of her friends to take care of Kai when she has classes where he cannot join her.
Junior Miranda Pemberton said she admires her friend for taking on the responsibilities of being both a student and single parent.
"I love being able to help Ebony out by baby-sitting," she said. "I want to see her succeed as much as she herself does, and I love being with Kai. He's such a good kid."
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Barrett's friends watch Kai while she attends classes until 3 p.m. Barrett said most of the time she doesn't bring Kai back to her apartment but instead sleeps with him in Pemberton's dorm room.
"However long I'm allowed to stay as a visitor, I stay that long before I end up going home," she said. "You just have no idea how hard it is trying to get Kai everywhere in the cold. And because I don't get out of the studio until late, it's often easier to keep him here on campus whenever I can."
Most mornings Barrett said she is up at 7:30 a.m. to tend to the needs of her son.
"I have to get up a couple of hours before my classes even start, not a half hour before like I used to," she said with a sigh.
Barrett said one of the most difficult tasks of preparing for the day is getting everything done without any help.
"The hardest thing is trying to keep an eye on Kai while I get ready," she said. "And then it comes to trying to remember both his and my stuff.
"Without fail I tend to always forget something, but as long as it's something I need and not Kai, then I tell myself to forget about it."
Along with putting the wants of her son before her own, Barrett said she tends to care less about her physical appearance than she did last year.
"I don't really care what I wear now, and whatever I end up wearing Kai usually spits up on," Barrett said. "I don't have time to put makeup on anymore, and I don't change 15 times a day like I used to.
"The one thing I try to avoid is the 'mummy look.'"
JUST THE TWO OF US
Barrett said raising her son would be a totally different experience if Kai's father was there to share the responsibility.
"If he would help me out financially, I wouldn't have to call and ask for his help," she said. "But I refuse to beg for his money or time."
Barrett said she is currently discussing custody issues with her lawyer and will do what is necessary to protect her son.
"Some nights I'll lay awake thinking about everything," Barrett said. "I get upset knowing that what I do is so tiring and that getting up with Kai every couple of hours means I don't get a solid rest.
"Meanwhile, his father isn't the one losing sleep over the situation when he's unwilling to take responsibility for his actions."
Although Barrett is fighting for child support from Kai's father, she has made the decision to forgo financial help from her parents.
"My parents are there for me if I absolutely need anything, but it's in the form of a loan and not a freebie," Barrett said. "I'm responsible for whatever Kai and I need.
"It's not like it used to be when I could go and ask my dad for $10 all the time."
Barrett has also turned her shoulder to the dating scene.
"I've gone on a couple of dates since Kai was born, but I'm not into dating around," she said. "I don't need to be in an unstable relationship when I have Kai to worry about."
Barrett said many of the men she has met on campus this semester have been unresponsive to her being a mother.
"It's hard for a college guy to understand I'm not going around trying to find a father for Kai, because he already has one," she said. "What I'm looking for is someone who can love Kai like a son even though he's not his.
"Anyone I date will have to understand that Kai and I are a package deal. He's with me all the time."
FINANCIAL ROADBLOCKS
Barrett has undergone significant obstacles in balancing her roles as both a single mother and part-time student. She said one of the greatest struggles she has encountered is providing child care for Kai.
"Day care is so expensive, and everything costs at least $100 a week," she said. "It's not only about the expense, but it's also about sending him to someone I trust."
Although she works part-time as a referee for intramural sports on campus in order to make money for her and Kai, Barrett said the government has been unwilling to provide her with much financial assistance.
"Now that I'm a student I don't get much help," she said. "I could work for minimum wage for the rest of my life and they'd give me money, but when I try to better myself they won't.
"It gets to be so frustrating because it's like the more I work, the less aid I get. I feel as if the government encourages single mothers not to try and do anything with their lives."
Barrett has received financial aid from the university, and was also the recipient of an Indiana Higher Education grant, but said she still struggles to makes ends meet.
"I know I'll be broke for the next few years, but after I graduate and eventually pay off my loans, I think everything will be OK," she said.
LOOKING BACK
Barrett said she looks at college students now and thinks her former responsibilities were slight in comparison to her tasks as a parent.
"I wish people knew not to take for granted the 24 hours they have every day that are strictly devoted to them," she said. "With me, I live for my child and wish I could have that extra time others have to go home and work or sleep."
Pemberton said she has seen a substantial change in her friend since Kai's birth.
"Ebony is a lot stronger as a person than she used to be," she said. "Kai always comes first in her life, and her most important goal is being a good parent."
Although she can no longer be as care-free as she once was without her son, Barrett said she cannot imagine her life without him.
"Kai gives me something to look forward to every day," she said. "I love seeing the smile on his face and watching him grow and learn to do things on his own.
"I have no regrets about having him, and, if anything, he has been a blessing and an incentive by giving me that extra push I need to do my work and get done with school."
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
