I've realized, as people, we just can't help being stupid - it's just something that comes naturally.
I know, I know, how brash am I? Complete with my red laser pointer - the type that make cats act like gerbils - I will point out people, condemn them and call them stupid. They can only eat only Hardee's food (no more Arby's - the "nice" fast food chain), they can't shop at Gap anymore and I will carve the title "dirt licker" on their foreheads.
What gall, huh? Guess who I'm using as the control of this experiment? Me.
You will recognize me holding my laser-beam key chain with the tattoo on my forehead as I walk down the street. But, what brings me to these antics?
I started this semester at a new job and although I tried my hardest to be sleek and normal for the first few days to set a good impression, my true identity of being a dork came through. I could never be a superhero; my ability to be incognito is like Keanu Reeve's ability to act: Nope, sorry, it ain't there.
Where shall I begin?
Just when I thought it was time to show the few in the office I was potty-trained, I bade them adieu and skedaddled to the nearest restroom. I pushed open the door to see Aimee, one of the women who works in the office,coming toward me. The last time I checked, women didn't stand to pee -well, okay, so I've heard their stories about the woes of the public toilets, but I didn't think they used urinals.
Ha, ha, I thought, Aimee's in the men's restroom.
"Ha, ha," Aimee must've thought, "Evan just walked into the women's restroom."
To my surprise, there were no urinals. My cheeks ignited red, I gushed and apologized a kajillion times. For the first time ever, I accidentally walked into the women's restroom.
Oops. I'm sure the office is glad they hired me. "We've got a Peeping Tom on our hands," must be the new rumor flooding the office.
Then, on the second day of work, I decided to wear a new sweater that sheds. A little shedding never hurt anyone, or so I thought. Of course I forget that, although this wool sweater keeps me warm, it sheds fuzz balls the size of dust bunnies. Then I realized how the hairs from the sweater look kind of icky.
Just so I didn't worry my co-workers, I told them those gross hairs were from my sweater and not me. They chuckled and went on with their work. I couldn't believe, on my second day in the office, I actually used the "P" word in reference to hair.
Now the office must think I'm an immature nympho as well. Sigh. Go figure.
I think we all find ourselves in these grand situations, whether it's saying the wrong thing, passing bad gas or forgetting co-workers' names.
Although we all feel like morons and think everyone will remember these embarrassing moments until the end of time, they just make us human.
At least, I'd like to believe that I'm still human.
But, nonetheless, we tense up during our first few days at a new job and let our true colors shine through. We're not suave; instead we're big dorks. The best thing to do after an embarrassing moment like passing stinky gas or walking into the women's restroom is to either apologize and go on with life or just act like nothing happened.
Don't forget to relax, either.
Write to Evan at emann@mr-potatohead.com.
Read More
Three Air Jam teams take home the win
October 12, 2012Nineteen teams shimmied, shook and flipped for a sold out John R. Emens Auditorium on Thursday night during the 25th annual Air Jam.
Bill Clinton Speaks at North Central High School
October 12, 2012Former President's Speech Could Have Effect on State Senate Race
