Sitting in a dimly lit coffeehouse, Martin Wood sipped on his decaf coffee. The silver band on his right ring finger shined as he lifted the cup up to his mouth. Another man, Sam Crimmins, sat down beside him with a cup of hot chocolate and a chocolate chip cookie, wearing an identical silver band.
“Can I have some of that cookie?” Wood asked.
“You can have half a bite, that’s it,” Crimmins replied.
The promise ring is the closest thing they can get to wedding bands because gay marriage isn’t legal in Indiana.
Wood, 55, and Crimmins, 52, met six years ago when both were singing in the Indianapolis Men’s Chorus.
It took a year for them to go on a first date.
Crimmins asked Wood, a Ball State associate professor of physiology and health science, on a date after he heard him complaining about not having plans for his birthday.
The two went out for cake and ice cream to celebrate Wood’s birthday.
“We were going to get dinner, but I was getting tense about it, so we downgraded to just get ice cream and a huge piece of cake,” Wood said. “After that, we didn’t really go on dates, we just hung out, as the kids do.”
After the first year of dating, Wood bought the silver bands as a promise to each other, a “going steady” ring to symbolize that the two were committed to each other.
If passed, House Joint Resolution 6 would reinforce Indiana’s ban on same-sex marriage and go a step further by not recognizing any relationship identical or similar to marriage.
It also would prohibit any future legislatures from passing a law allowing same-sex couples to marry. For Wood, the bill is a waste of time.
“It’s making something that is already illegal more illegal,” Wood said. “The second part of the bill is what people hone in on and worry that it will take away some domestic partnership benefits.”
Although Wood and Crimmins use their individual insurance from their jobs, Wood has relied on domestic partnership benefits in a previous relationship.
“They weren’t perfect, but they were something,” he said. “It’s the principle, not so much the direct effect is on me and on us, but what it essentially says to me about how I am viewed in the state by the other people I live with.”
Crimmins was born a Hoosier and has lived his entire life in Indiana. Wood, on the other hand, came to Indiana as an undergraduate at Indiana University, living in a few other places, but has always come back.
He started working at Ball State in 1994 and worries the bill will give Indiana a reputation of being “backwards and hateful” and may deter academic professionals from applying or accepting jobs at Ball State.
Within the last week, Ball State joined Indiana University, Wabash College and DePauw University to oppose HJR-6. Purdue University’s University Senate and student government also approved a resolution to oppose it.
But, working for a university that opposes the bill doesn’t take the sour taste out of his mouth.
“I’ve been really pleasantly proud of my state up to this point, that it hasn’t jumped on the bandwagon and enacted this kind of change to constitution that other states had,” Wood said.
Crimmins sat listening to his partner across the table, holding his hot chocolate in one hand and grasping Wood’s hand with the other.
“Pleasantly proud is just a glimmer of hope,” Crimmins said. “It is illegal, and there is no chance of it becoming legal soon, but at least we didn’t decide to take away an entire group of people’s rights away.”
The couple doesn’t see the reasoning behind getting married if it isn’t recognized legally. But Wood has been married before to a woman and believes that marriage changes a relationship in ways he can’t quite pinpoint.
“It does change,” he said. “It changes how you feel about them, and there is something about sharing that event with loved ones and solidifying the status of your relationship and your families and the community.”
This change can’t happen for the couple until Indiana makes same-sex marriage legal or if they move out. HJR-6 would make the latter option a faster resolution for the two.
After five years of being together and three years of living together, Wood and Crimmins have had their struggles, but still see the person they fell in love with.
“Sam makes me laugh, I love his sense of humor,” Wood said. “He has a very sarcastic sense of humor, and it’s sometimes aimed at me, but it is balanced out by the fact that he makes me laugh.”
Wood turned to face Crimmins waiting for a reply.
“I really love that you put up with me,” Crimmins said. “And you’re pretty.”
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